© 2003-2006 David Moles
Chrononautic Log: madness |
August 16, 2006God, I wish more of my friends were crypto geeks10:26 AM, Wednesday, August 16, 2006Because if they wre, they would find this collection of Bruce Schneier fun facts absolutely goddamn hilarious. The rest of you, don’t bother . . . nothing to see . . .
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August 2, 2006Noted without comment2:14 AM, Wednesday, August 2, 2006William Sanders on copyright:
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June 26, 2006The Face of Evil (updated)1:05 AM, Monday, June 26, 2006Update (26 June): So that’s one clear “no,” one “I’m scared,” and one suspect piece of beard advocacy from a known beard advocate. Maybe I should go back to the Colonel Kurtz look. (Not like I need to be any more fixated on Apocalypse Now, but even so.) And then here’s another option. Everyone knows that mirror-universe facial hair is, as Wikipedia so kindly puts it, “a satirical symbol of evil and normality run amok.” Which might explain a lot about the last couple of weeks.
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June 20, 2006Unlisted9:42 AM, Tuesday, June 20, 2006Okay, clearly setting my Skype status to “Skype me!” was not sending the message I thought it was sending.
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June 1, 2006If Hegel was a blogger3:18 AM, Thursday, June 1, 2006What the matter is with Hegel: He [Hegel] would have had a comment policy that read something like: you are not allowed to leave any comments until I have written my last post, in the light of which you will see that your objections to my earlier posts were mistaken. (Insight courtesy of Dr. Holbo.)
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May 11, 2006To our correspondents in Poland and Antelope Valley10:18 AM, Thursday, May 11, 2006Kindly take your philosophical feuds elsewhere, sirs. If you have something on-topic to say here, you have my email address. If not, no one’s stopping you from getting your own weblog.
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May 6, 2006WTF?7:08 AM, Saturday, May 6, 2006No, I mean really WTF. Belle’s WTFs don’t begin to cover it.
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April 27, 2006Answers to odd numbered questions #22:26 AM, Thursday, April 27, 2006The Chief looks up at him and suddenly reaches his hands for Willard’s throat, trying to pull Willard down on top of the spearhead, trying to skewer him, and pull him along with him to death. (That’s as far as I go, though, Mr. H. Infecting other people’s comment sections with memes is already giving them a vector they don’t need.)
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April 10, 2006Feuer in Fort Griffin12:21 AM, Monday, April 10, 2006Wondering where all the Western pulps went? Switzerland. Via Germany.
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March 17, 2006Strange acts of apparent furniture-worship explained6:47 AM, Friday, March 17, 2006Some of you noticed the the giant furniture and the odd prominence of plastic lawn chairs in the Fasnacht pictures I took a week or two back; well, today I ran across this Fasnacht 2006 roundup, in English, and all is finally made clear, including the people with leaves on their heads.
You may have seen a lot of cliques carrying around varieties of chairs on their backs or on their floats and wondered what they were going on about. Well, the Stadt Baudepartement, responsible for conserving old buildings and maintaining the “look” of Basel, has issued a decree that all chairs used by pavement cafes and restaurants should be identical and of a standard that would exclude plastic chairs. But this unpopular move doesn’t end there — it gets worse! Where plants are used as decoration outside bars (eg in Steinenvorstadt) all plants must be of the same species. All of them! How they are going to enforce this is anyone’s guess, but pity the poor bar owner with 40 chairs that go out of production when 4 of them are destroyed by marauding football hooligans from Grasshoppers Zurich. Not only will any injured Baslers have to go to Zurich to have their organs transplanted [see earlier in the article —ed.], but the bar owner will have to replace all 40 chairs, not just the broken ones.
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March 14, 2006Watch out, Howard Carter1:59 AM, Tuesday, March 14, 2006David Moles n. A hard-core grave robber. — “How will you be defined in the dictionary? (Via Kameron Hurley, whose Brutal Women, among other people’s weblogs, will be added to the sidebar as soon as I get some quality time away from work with a good net connection.)
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January 10, 2006Dog bites man11:55 AM, Tuesday, January 10, 2006Unsurprisingly, this random Garfield strip generator is much funnier than any of the original strips.
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January 6, 2006How to catch a lion: mathematical applications2:09 PM, Friday, January 6, 2006I’ve seen some of these before, but this is the best list I’ve run across. Many of them are not especially funny, but many are. A few samples:
(I can’t help but think that this style of writing can be instructive, if I intend to continue being so brassy as to write things like “establish a metastable equilibrium that allows convex regions with real and virtual histories to coexist in four-dimensional space-time, while remaining both topologically distinct and contiguous in five-space” with a straight face.)
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December 8, 2005An unhealthy obsession with madeleines5:17 PM, Thursday, December 8, 2005In the New York Times, of all places. Documented by Tom Tomorrow.
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November 17, 2005Recent discoveries in gender dynamics5:37 PM, Thursday, November 17, 2005I’m late in jumping on the “Maureen Dowd is being a twit” bandwagon, but this piss-take from Samantha Bonar of the LA Times (via BoingBoing) did make me laugh: Researchers have apparently found that men prefer long-term relationships with subordinates rather than co-workers or supervisors. Women, however, showed no significant preference for socially dominant men, or for socially inferior men. They appear to hanker for their peers — while, sadly, their peers are at Applebee’s hitting on the women who bring them their burgers and pies. . . . In addition, British researchers have recently “discovered” that the higher a woman’s IQ, the fewer prospects she has for marriage. (Jane Austen could have told them that.) To be a droll, dry, wry, sarcastic or clever woman is deadly, apparently. (Yes, you may point out the example of Mr. Darcy, who loved Elizabeth Bennet’s witty repartee, but I still say he’s secretly gay.) In other words, you can be tall, blond, thin and a former runway model, but that all counts for naught if you are smart and successful and, thus, annoying. . . . I have therefore decided to modify my romantic résumé . . . I also have decided to limit my vocabulary to 10 monosyllabic words (not counting contractions and articles) . . . But for the most part, I plan to not speak. I will alternate between giggling and tittering. I will be vacuous as I vacuum. The payoff will be a man who loves and wants me. Whoever “me” is. I’m sure he can fill me in on that. Hee hee. Hey, women readers! (The ones, anyway, that aren’t otherwise attached — or just not into guys — and that may be having doubts about Ms. Bonar’s strategy.) After considerable research of my own, I’ve concluded that brilliant, opinionated, successful women (especially the ones with large vocabularies) are fuckin’ hot. Also that real women are much hotter than airbrushed blonde gynoids with implants and eating disorders. Call me!* * Advertised product is not a tall, dark, handsome “bad boy.” Advertised product may be from your side of the tracks. Side effects may include discussions of genre fiction, social history, astrophysics, cognitive science, and postmodernism, as well as reading books, getting up early in the morning, eating dinners at restaurants with tablecloths, spending quiet evenings at home, playing video games, and watching John Sayles and Ang Lee movies “for the fight scenes.” Some customers may also experience a statistically significant decrease in “dancing the night away.” Void where prohibited by law.
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November 9, 2005Intelligent History12:48 PM, Wednesday, November 9, 2005It would explain so much: Conventional “theories” of history teach that “stuff happened,” which is insolent and implies that we are nothing but random accidents. But Giblets has found definitive proof that history is intelligent, and has worked over the course of millenia towards one singular purpose: the creation of Giblets! Think of everything that had to happen in order for Giblets to be born! Mom Giblets and Dad Giblets had to meet, Grampa Giblets had to flee the great turducken blight back in the Old Country, Napoleon had to destabilize the Gibletsian economy with his unsound policy of weevil regulation. Yes, the birth of Giblets is so unlikely it can only be explained as the supernatural action of a nearly-divine agent acting over the course of thousands of centuries in a way that looks exactly like a bunch of random stuff! This ingenious new theory will revolutionize the way we see history and indeed life itself! What was the cause of the American Civil War? Giblets. Why did Bismarck publish the Ems dispatch? Because of Giblets. What caused the collapse of the Weimar Republic? Political instability and economic depression which would eventually result in Giblets. “Are you an offensive figment or a pleasant figment? Discuss.”
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October 13, 2005The Indo-European hypothesis (updated)12:30 PM, Thursday, October 13, 2005Apparently when you tell google Google’s Advanced Search “Return pages written in English,” it figures you really mean “Oh, anything North Germanic, we don’t care what.” Update: For the two of you actually following the Ahnlund/Jelinek story, an amusing twist: Apparently it’s not actually possible for Ahnlund to resign from the Swedish Academy. Also, he’s apparently been in a snit and boycotting the Academy since 1996. It’s oddly . . . legitimizing to know that this sort of behavior isn’t confined to our little literary demimonde. Though I’m willing to believe that Ahnlund’s Svenska Dagbladet piece was a little more coherent than Mr. Truesdale’s opus.
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October 12, 2005Twenty Epics at World Fantasy2:18 PM, Wednesday, October 12, 2005So: Trying to put together a guerilla Twenty Epics reading for World Fantasy. Problem: Venue. Ideas, so far:
Other thoughts?
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October 11, 2005C30, C60, C90, Go1:45 PM, Tuesday, October 11, 2005Chiwetel Ejiofor is the man. Let’s get that out of the way up front. I’ve got nothing against Daniel Craig, but if Sony/MGM had any balls, Chewy would be the next James Bond. As for the rest — Things blur together. Clearly it is pure coincidence that the outfit Annabella Lwin was wearing, Saturday night at the Paramount, was no more than a strap and a shade of blue removed from the inexplicably tattered outfit Summer Glau was wearing all through Serenity. A strap, a shade of blue, and a pair of boots. Coincidence. Clearly it was only to be expected that Mark Mothersbaugh and the Casale brothers would embrace, extend, and accelerate any fragments of science-fictionality that might happen to be rattling around your subconscious. Clearly, going from the movie theatre, to Telegraph Avenue, to an Art Deco monument filled with exotic spuds of all ages, colors, shapes and sizes — following two hours of space cowboys and exploding spaceships with a comforting dip into familiar countercultural strangeness, that with the raucous but innocent carnality of Bow Wow Wow and that with the full-on, space-age, Technicolor, punk-rock superluminality of Devo — was asking to have my brain scrambled. And yet. I don’t think at this point I can emotionally respond to Serenity in a way that doesn’t treat it as just one color of paint in the Pollock canvas that was this Saturday, especially since Sunday was red wine and California sunshine and mad conversation with Susan and Matt, and yesterday was hangover and not quite enough sleep and flying from summer into what on the California coast would easily pass for winter. So what you get is the cold, clinical, intellectual reaction . . . which could best be described as a cartoon monkey in surgical scrubs with SCRIPT DOCTOR stenciled on his chest and the voice of Steve Buscemi, swinging from branch to branch through the tangled thickets of the plot, saying things like “Could we get a little romantic tension over here?” and “Listen, kid, make me care about the leads, then we’ll talk about this guy who’s only got six lines . . .” What is Inner Script Monkey is trying to tell us? Well — Serenity was clearly a movie for the fans. It’s a high-mag zoom on overlapping segments of plot and character arc, high enough that some of the segments are optically flat, and all of them have their endpoints cropped out of the frame. It’s not that the plot wasn’t entirely comprehensible, but as a story, it was frustrating. It would have made a great season-ending two-part TV episode, but as a stand-alone film? Flat. It’s easy to see what Inner Script Monkey would do, if there’d never been a TV show. Keep the prologue, cut the doctor and the crazy girl out of the opening sequences on the ship and the Wild West planet, make the fight scene in the bar the first time they meet the crew (making the captain’s choice to take them on contrast all the more sharply with his “I stick my neck out for no one” ethos). Show the crushes the doctor and the engineer have on one another instead of telling. Give some snappy Bogey-and-Bacall (or at least Ford-and-Fisher) scenes to the captain and the high-class tart. Give the village people more than one scene and the Script Monkey also would have had the schoolteacher in the dream sequence and the kids she was teaching, crazy girl included, sound like an actual schoolteacher and actual kids. He would have had the mad scientist sound like a sane scientist. And he would have either cut the folksy dialect or made the characters who spoke it speak it more consistently. But Script Monkey’s picky that way. Seriously — I wanted to like it more than I did, which is a hundred and eighty from what I expected going in. I think most of the credit for that goes to the actors, not just Chewy Ejiofor, but the guy who played that one bad guy in Jade Empire, and the guy from A Mighty Wind and Best in Show, and the guy who had the cameo as the cult leader on Strangers with Candy, and the Baldwin brother who’s not actually a Baldwin brother, and the girl who’s done a bunch of TV that I haven’t seen, and the lady who probably deserves better than the work she’s got, and the girl who has really good hair, and the girl who could probably act well enough if she wasn’t being asked to play an anime character. They all tried like hell to sell it. I don’t regret the cost of the ticket, by any means, but I do kind of regret not getting to see the movie it could have been.* * About that other movie, the one I didn’t actually get to see — just one question. If the Reavers are angry all the time, how do they keep their ships working? “Killing rage!! Arrrrgh! Must! Fix! Fusion! Reactor! Arrrrgh!”
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September 14, 2005Soviet space monkey pants!8:23 AM, Wednesday, September 14, 2005On eBay. Not really being auctioned, per se, unfortunately (unfortunately for whom? Don’t ask me) and it looks like they didn’t sell.
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September 11, 2005Is there an MT plugin for this?9:32 PM, Sunday, September 11, 2005My new blog. Courtesy of the Flangitizer.
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August 30, 2005History, herstory4:33 PM, Tuesday, August 30, 2005Am I the only one wondering why this NYT story, “Rape Charge Follows Marriage to a 14-Year-Old,” about a 22-year-old Nebraska man married (in Kansas) to a 14-year-old girl and charged with statutory rape, focuses almost exclusively on him and his parents, with only one quote (on
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August 26, 2005¡¡William Ashbless term papers!!12:54 PM, Friday, August 26, 2005You know, for only $27.99, I’m really, really tempted. Do you need an essay, research paper, book report, thesis paper, review, or term paper on William Ashbless — today, tomorrow, next week, or next month? Since 1998, our William Ashbless experts have helped students worldwide by providing the most comprehensive, lowest-priced research service on the Internet for William Ashbless studies and coursework. If you’ve waited too long to formulate ideas for your William Ashbless research paper, essay, thesis, book report, or term paper, our contracted research specialists can help you IMMEDIATELY! Over the years, our professional researchers have produced thousands of undergraduate-, master-, and doctoral-level research papers, book reports, essays, and term papers on virtually all topics, including William Ashbless. No matter how soon your deadline, the limitations of your budget, or what type of writing, editing, or research assistance you require, we can definitely help you. Our services are quite diverse and flexible. Who knows? Maybe they’ve got Tim Powers or James Blaylock working for them. (Or Brendan Doyle himself — he wasn’t exactly Dr. Ethics, was he?)
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August 18, 2005Our Beloved Genre1:14 PM, Thursday, August 18, 2005Hal “Smithereens” Duncan, over at the Night Shade boards: I won’t deny that mainstream media is more than willing to jump on the easy “Sci-Fi Fans Beam Down To Glasgow“ story and exploit the freak show for all it’s worth, but at the same time, we have the masquerades and the filking and the furries and downright loons who buttonhole you in a corridor to tell you about the arcane mysteries hidden within this specific episode of Babylon 5 they’ve typed out from the video and are carrying with them in their bag (and that's a real incident I remember from last Worldcon). If crime fans all got together and wore trenchcoats and fired water pistols at each other, the media would treat that with the same Paxmanesque ye-e-e-e-es. The media exploit the spectacle of frippery, but they don’t craft it out of thin air; fandom is, for many people, partly about all that stuff, every convention a golden opportunity for exhibitionists to make spectacles of themselves. Part of me cringes, part of me says power to them; it’s not my idea of fun (largely) but po-faced puritanism isn’t my style so I’m not going to frown on it. But the subculture is absolutely begging to have the piss taken out of it. Man, I would totally become a mystery writer if it meant trenchcoats and fedoras and water pistols. Okay, I wouldn’t. But I would laugh at newspaper articles about mystery conventions.
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August 10, 2005Kung fu science!1:18 PM, Wednesday, August 10, 2005Could the web be any more useful than this? (Okay, it’s mostly about board breaking, but still.) Meet Chris, kung fu expert and general, all-round crazy person. Sometimes he breaks concrete blocks just for the hell of it. Meet Michelle. She’s a physicist working at the Institute of Physics, but recently she’s been learning kung fu. In particular she wants to learn how to break wood with her bare hands, and find out the physics behind the feat. (Via Cosmic Variance.)
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July 13, 2005The first quiz that ever made me clench my fist and go “Yes!!”9:02 AM, Wednesday, July 13, 2005
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June 30, 2005“I used to look for inspiration...”8:14 AM, Thursday, June 30, 2005Not all of Hugh Macleod’s cartoons (or his pronunciamentos on the future of marketing) work for me, but this one hits close enough to home to be worth posting.
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June 24, 2005Who says winners don’t use drugs?9:23 AM, Friday, June 24, 2005Here’s what Ellis remembers about the trip from Los Angeles to San Diego: not a goddamn thing. Apparently he got to the airport, boarded one of the San Diego shuttles that left every half-hour, flew for 22 minutes and landed. The first thing he recalls is sitting in a taxi, telling the driver to “get to the fucking stadium. I got to play.” Next thing, he’s sitting in the locker room. 5 p.m. By that point, Ellis had enough experience with LSD to know that it wouldn't be wearing off anytime soon; as a, uh, “precautionary measure,” he took somewhere between four and eight amphetamines and drank some water. He walked to the railing at Jack Murphy Stadium where, each time he played in San Diego, a female acquaintance would bring him a handful of Benzedrine. White Crosses. He took a handful of those and went to the bullpen to warm up. — Keven McAlester, “Balls Out: How to throw a no-hitter on acid, and other lessons from the career of baseball legend Dock Ellis”, Dallas Observer
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June 22, 2005What’s your sign?9:41 AM, Wednesday, June 22, 2005From the horoscope section of The Onion, 26 June 2056 (helpfully back-propagated into 2005): Zelazny (Sept 7—Oct. 13): Even if you do find their unique combination of style, universal competence, ennui, and raw ambition strangely exhilarating, you’d probably be a lot happier if you stopped keeping company with suicidal types, immortals, and suicidal immortal types. Sound advice. I’ll try to take it to heart.
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June 13, 2005Abbreviation4:17 PM, Monday, June 13, 2005I’m not going to bore you with the details of the output from the Amazing Meganame Generator, but I will say that “The Twitchy Aleph” is an all-right band name, in an art-school, collar-and-slacks, nostalgic-for-CBGBs kind of way.
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June 5, 2005Have I told you yet how much Meghan McCarron rocks?8:31 AM, Sunday, June 5, 2005
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June 1, 2005This is pathological1:54 PM, Wednesday, June 1, 2005At some point my co-workers are going to notice that I’ve been back at work for five hours and all I’ve done is surf the blogosphere trying to prolong my WisCon experience.
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May 29, 2005L’affaire Campbell12:52 PM, Sunday, May 29, 2005
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May 24, 2005I got yer differánce right here10:40 AM, Tuesday, May 24, 2005
You scored as Postmodernist. Postmodernism is the belief in complete open interpretation. You see the universe as a collection of information with varying ways of putting it together. There is no absolute truth for you; even the most hardened facts are open to interpretation. Meaning relies on context and even the language you use to describe things should be subject to analysis.
What is Your World View? (corrected...again)
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May 16, 2005“My work here is done,” or, more on causality1:08 PM, Monday, May 16, 2005Okay, on continuity in fiction, mostly. (But from my position as a fiction writer and therefore a seeker of plausibility more than of truth, it seems to be very much the same thing.) From an excellent essay from Todd Seavey: And then, naturally, we have the highly efficient way that normal people [as opposed, in this essay, to geeks like ourselves —Ed.] reconcile continuity errors: ignoring them. I can see a certain sensibility in this approach, but somehow I have more admiration for people like my friend Ali Kokmen (who majored in Modern Culture and Media back in our Brown University days), who is so attentive to continuity issues that he once wrote a long, thoughtful e-mail to friends about apparent contradictions in a Muppet TV special featuring Elmo. (Elmo time-traveled into his own past yet did not encounter himself. Does that mean his past self was destroyed? Temporarily displaced? Fused with the Elmo from the present? Why do the writers seem unconcerned about the existential can of worms opened up by Elmo’s cavalier toying with the timestream?) Ali once said that he felt great pride, after years of telling his wife Michelle about DC Comics’ system of parallel timelines (Earth-1, Earth-2, etc.), when the two of them watched an episode of The Odd Couple together and Michelle, on realizing that the episode contained an explanation for Oscar and Felix’s first meeting that contradicted the explanation given in a previous episode, said that the newer episode must take place on “Earth-2.” Ali beamed, “My work here is done.” Update: See also this hilarious bit from John Holbo over at the Valve: Extra bonus point question: compare and contrast the situation of classicists, with all these new Oxyrhynchus texts come to light, with the Episode 3 situation. In both cases the situation is technology and effects driven. The classicists use “multi-spectral imaging,” the Star Wars people rely on special image effects, too. Who is happier, fans or scholars?
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May 5, 2005More not really about Galbraith4:12 PM, Thursday, May 5, 2005Actually, last time wasn’t really about Galbraith; this time isn’t really about Husserl, Heidegger, and Freud. How curious that teachers who permit into the curriculum the most experimental fiction are aggressively defensive when it comes to literature which demands as much or more: the writings, namely, of great speculative thinkers like Marx, Husserl, Heidegger, Freud . . . I call it ‘literature’ not only to make a polemical point but from the conviction that each thinker draws on and in turn generates a text milieu of his own, so that it is not a matter of ‘knowing’ Derrida or Heidegger but of reading and steeping oneself in a corpus of critical, philosophical and literary texts which they incorporate and revise. [Geoffrey Hartman, quoted by A. Cephalous] Yes. I know Einstein, to the extent that you can know Einstein without knowing tensor calculus. But Foucault, say? Foucault I merely appreciate.
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April 15, 2005There are times I wish I was more extroverted2:05 PM, Friday, April 15, 2005But, what the hell, I’d never be this good at it.
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April 8, 2005Book Club for Men10:02 AM, Friday, April 8, 2005The first rule of Book Club . . . you get the idea. (It goes on from there.)
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March 24, 2005Not the alarm clock for David Dai...12:47 PM, Thursday, March 24, 2005. . . or anyone else who has nightmares about wandering mines.* But if the MIT Media Lab ever commercializes Clocky, I might have to get one. (On the other hand, I’d probably have no trouble with my sleep schedule if I just spent October through March in Sydney.) * Believe Library Journal, not Publishers Weekly.
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March 2, 2005Man, I wish I’d thought of this10:08 AM, Wednesday, March 2, 2005Spider-Man’s Greatest Bible Stories. (Via JWZ, who probably got it from BoingBoing.)
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Best flying car ever8:17 AM, Wednesday, March 2, 2005
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February 25, 2005Own your own Oxford college12:43 PM, Friday, February 25, 2005Lincoln College, my alma step-mater, has put Brasenose* up for sale in order to make “space for a new bar/sauna complex.” You don’t get the Radcliffe Camera, but you do get a nice view of it. Well worth ten million quid, if you ask me. *Familiar to some of you Connie Willis readers as one of the two Oxford colleges lucky enough to have their own time machines.
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February 7, 2005Is there a word for this?3:16 PM, Monday, February 7, 2005You’d think somebody would have coined one, if not the Greeks or Romans then some classics-obsessed European educator of the 19th century: “the sin of confusing what you said with what you might have meant to say if you had known in advance that you were going to get in trouble.” It happens a lot, and there should be a word for it. (Phenomenon itself identified by Nick Mamatas.)
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February 1, 2005The good old days2:40 PM, Tuesday, February 1, 2005
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January 28, 2005I know several of you will appreciate this2:30 PM, Friday, January 28, 2005Someday, I Will Copyedit The Great American Novel Right now, there’s a writer out there with a vision as vast as Mark Twain’s or F. Scott Fitzgerald’s. He is laboring in obscurity, working with deliberate patience. He isn’t using tricks of language or pyrotechnic plot turns. He is doing the hardest work of all, the work of Melville, of Cather: He is capturing life on the page. And when the time comes, I’ll be here — green pencil in hand — to remove the excess commas from that page. (Via Making Light.)
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December 22, 2004Infinite monkey theory redux10:37 AM, Wednesday, December 22, 2004Contra Plymouth University’s monkey results from last year, no less reputable a publication than the Weekly World News reports that monkeys at the Raleigh Institute, near Manchester, have successfully produced “Romeo and Juliet.” “We’ve been holding our breath for weeks,” says Alan Ripshaw, the researcher in charge of the Monkey Project. “We knew the monkeys were getting close, but we’ve had a number of false starts. “One time they got to the fourth act of Macbeth, before making a mistake. The monkeys also recently typed out a Thomas Pynchon novel, but that doesn't count.” Ripshaw says he began the project because he was intrigued with the controversy over whether Shakespeare really was the author of the plays bearing his name. “Some scholars think Bacon was the real author,” Ripshaw says. “That’s when I had the thought, ‘What if they were written by monkeys?’” Of such thoughts is scientific history made. (Via Maureen.)
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October 12, 2004Jacques Derrida, R.I.P.10:04 AM, Tuesday, October 12, 2004I’m with Fafblog on this one: “I don't get it,” says me. “How could Derrida die? He was a social construct." “True,” says Giblets. “Nothin is outside the text, includin Derrida.” “Then he couldn't die,” says me. “After all if he did he would be reinforcin the hegemonic Dead Derrida/Live Derrida binary.” “We must deconstruct Derrida’s death!” says Giblets. “Beginning by inverting the priveleged duality! Derrida is alive!” “He’s stuffin his face with cake right now over there!” says me. “Mmmfff,” says Derrida. “Waffff uppppf fellaf.” “Derrida stop eatin all our cake!” says Giblets. “That cost good money!” Man that Derrida’s always been a greedy bastard.
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August 20, 2004Testing edge conditions10:05 AM, Friday, August 20, 2004Since I was here till 9:30 last night trying to reproduce a bug that was causing problems for a high-risk demo that’s happening today but really in any reasonable world would be happening at the end of the QA cycle instead of less than halfway through it, maybe today’s Bob the Angry Flower seems funnier to me than it really has any right to. |
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August 3, 2004Vocabulary for an alternate history of the 90s5:24 PM, Tuesday, August 3, 2004Havin’ some real deja blog here . . . I think Greg originally found this, some time back. Came up at Rockaway. Been looking for it for a while. Confused by my own web-site. Or ‘web-station’ as my friend Lee and I have taken to calling them. As in ‘oh, I lined-on to the interweb to inload some web-stations’. Feel free to borrow this lingo. It’ll either make you sound really dumb or like you’re onto something new. We use it cos it makes us sound stupid. Which is funny. Sometimes. To us. Or to amuse your friends you can refer to the internet as ‘the email’. As in, ‘Oh, I love lining on to the email. They’ve got weather and news on the email. My friend Jenny just can’t get enough of the email.' — quoth Moby. And speaking of web-stations, I’m soliciting suggestions to improve mine. (Not this one; the static one.) The SFWA won’t list it in its current state on account of not being “clearly identifiable as a personal author page.” Various folks have complained about the bibliography. And me, I’m not too happy with the stack-o’-boxes layout. Thoughts? Update: Moby’s rearranged his journal; the entry’s now here.
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August 2, 2004Why we need fair use3:20 PM, Monday, August 2, 2004Via BoingBoing: Finnish (or Estonian? can’t tell) blogger Kaksoisagentti remixes Cory Doctorow’s copylefted Ebooks: Neither E nor Books to produce “Posthumans: Neither E, Nor Humans”: I take the view that the human is a “practice” — a collection of social and economic and artistic activities — and not an "object." Viewing the human as a “practice” instead of an object is a pretty radical notion, and it begs the question: just what the hell is a human? — Brewster Kahle’s Internet Humanmobile can convert a digital human into a four-color, full-bleed, perfect-bound, laminated-cover, printed-spine flesh human in ten minutes, for about a dollar. Try converting a flesh human to a PDF or an html file or a text file or a RocketHuman or a printout for a buck in ten minutes! It’s ironic, because one of the frequently cited reasons for preferring flesh to posthumans is that flesh humans confer a sense of ownership of a physical object. Before the dust settles on this posthuman thing, owning a flesh human is going to feel less like ownership than having an open digital edition of the text. I love the phrase four-color, full-bleed, perfect-bound, laminated-cover, printed-spine flesh human. Even Bruce Sterling would be hard-pressed to invent that one without mechanical aids. Further proof that if everyone would just listen to the ideas Cory expresses so well about copyright and new media, the world would be a much more fun place.
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July 16, 2004The range of human experience1:05 PM, Friday, July 16, 2004Nick Mamatas is my Monster from the Id. Mostly, these days, I like to be the voice of moderation. Nick doesn’t. When one is the stupidest motherfucker in the room, the world is a hostile and inexplicable place. I just don’t say shit like that any more, and barring a really bad headache or a personality-altering blow to the head, I’m just not likely at this point to turn into the sort of person who does. On balance, I think that’s probably a good thing. But occasionally it’s nice that someone’s saying it.
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June 22, 2004Zombies, Baby Doom, Battleship, Cotton Candy5:57 PM, Tuesday, June 22, 2004Everyone should read A Softer World. It’s just like Red Meat, only not fucked up. (Depressed, yes, sometimes. But not fucked up. Also, not into reruns.) (Thanks, Hannah. No, not that Hannah, the other Hannah.)
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June 14, 2004Plato was a hipster10:24 AM, Monday, June 14, 2004Cat and Girl (well, just Girl, really) find out what Timaeus and Critias were really on to.
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June 10, 2004Okay, enough about Ronald Reagan4:01 PM, Thursday, June 10, 2004What about Ray Charles? What about Robert Quine? What about William Manchester? What about them?
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June 9, 2004Tempting, tempting1:50 PM, Wednesday, June 9, 2004If I wasn’t already taking the following week off, I’d be real tempted to drive down to Mojave next weekend .
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May 30, 2004Ineffable6:15 AM, Sunday, May 30, 2004I’m definitely getting the feeling the authors of Fafblog read Bob the Angry Flower. FB: So what is Your position on the Iraq war Jesus? Does the Holy Spirit have an exit strategy? JC: I think you’re missing the point. Acquiring earthly power for the sake of the church, making laws in my name — it’s the last thing I want. I told them my kingdom was not of this world. FB: Is it on the moon? JC: It’s — FB: ’Cause we’re goin to the moon again Jesus! JC: (sighs) FB: It’ll be awesome! JC: Yes, Fafnir. My kingdom is on the moon. FB: That’s so great! Jesus and the moon, together at last. Are there robots in the kingdom of heaven, Jesus? JC: Sure. Why not.
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May 20, 2004Chilling effects2:30 PM, Thursday, May 20, 2004I am so tempted by this — |
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May 5, 2004An interesting ethical question9:09 PM, Wednesday, May 5, 2004Michael F. Patton provides some deeper analysis of the trolley problem. On Twin Earth, a brain in a vat is at the wheel of a runaway trolley. There are only two options that the brain can take: the right side of the fork in the track or the left side of the fork. There is no way in sight of derailing or stopping the trolley and the brain is aware of this, for the brain knows trolleys. The brain is causally hooked up to the trolley such that the brain can determine the course which the trolley will take. On the right side of the track there is a single railroad worker, Jones, who will definitely be killed if the brain steers the trolley to the right. If the railman on the right lives, he will go on to kill five men for the sake of killing them, but in doing so will inadvertently save the lives of thirty orphans (one of the five men he will kill is planning to destroy a bridge that the orphans’ bus will be crossing later that night). One of the orphans that will be killed would have grown up to become a tyrant who would make good utilitarian men do bad things. Another of the orphans would grow up to become G.E.M. Anscombe, while a third would invent the pop-top can. . . . It gets better. (Courtesy of the Making Light sidebar.)
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April 26, 2004Thought for the day2:26 PM, Monday, April 26, 2004We aren’t struggling to understand you. We understand you quite well. We just think your arguments blow chunks.
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April 1, 2004Aardvarks of Gor1:44 PM, Thursday, April 1, 2004Courtesy of Brandon “no web presence” Dudley, a truly bizarre Onion AV Club interview (that link will stop working next week; if it doesn’t work, this might, though it doesn’t at the moment) with Dave Sim of Cerebus: a clear contender for Most Screwed-Up Canadian In History. Highlights:
Does anybody know what he means when he says “feminism”? Does anybody even know what planet he’s been stationed on?
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February 18, 2004Rumsfeld’s fighting technique is unstoppable!11:00 AM, Wednesday, February 18, 2004Twin Cobra Fist, Drunken Temple Boxing, Hidden Monkey Hands — Rummy’s got it all.
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February 8, 2004Vade retro, retro2:40 PM, Sunday, February 8, 2004Help! This café is full of Teds!
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February 4, 2004Palabra del día9:24 PM, Wednesday, February 4, 2004ovnílogo, -a: ufologist.
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January 15, 2004See the Hollow Earth for $20,000 (plus airfare)11:09 AM, Thursday, January 15, 2004No, really. Itinerary:
*Please note that if we are unable to find the Polar opening, we will be returning via the New Siberian Islands to visit skeleton remains of exotic animals thought to originate from Inner Earth. I’m not optimistic about the Jehu-Eden Monorail, or for that matter about the Kingdom of the Inner World in general. I’ve read a bit about the Hollow Earth, and from what I’ve heard it’s mostly full of savages, prehistoric monsters and man-eating giant ants. Let’s hope they’re prepared. (Courtesy of Jay Lake.)
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January 9, 2004Marketing sophistication3:11 PM, Friday, January 9, 2004I don’t know what a Hades Palmetto Cationic Entry Fuse is, or does, but I’m not putting anything with a name like that anywhere near . . . er, the part of my body that the spammer who used that subject line seems to think could use one.
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January 8, 2004Martian tripods and internalcombustionpunk automata1:16 PM, Thursday, January 8, 2004Apparently in 1998 the city of Woking installed a full-size Martian fighting machine to commemorate the 100th anniversary of H.G. Wells’ The War of the Worlds.
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December 3, 2003Slavery, states’s rights, and a cool $1 million9:28 AM, Wednesday, December 3, 2003I’m half-tempted to recommend this Onion story for a Sidewise Award: New Alternate-Reality Series Puts 12 Strangers
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November 26, 2003The People’s flag is deepest red2:50 PM, Wednesday, November 26, 2003Sometimes Google serves up the weirdest stuff: Long viewed as a symbol of communistic repression and a threat to the West, the flag of the Soviet Union, with its Hammer and Sickle, attests to the prophetic destiny of God on this great nation.
— Jay Rodgers, “Mikhail Gorbachev: The True Meaning of the Soviet Flag”, April 1991. Comrade Rodgers is apparently also the distributor of the educational videotapes “God’s Law and Society” and “The Beast of Revelation Identified”.
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November 24, 2003Extreme “found art”12:43 PM, Monday, November 24, 2003BUDAPEST (Reuters) — Police on Friday removed the corpse of a man believed to have hanged himself at least a year ago after builders and students at Budapest’s University of Arts had initially mistaken it for a modern sculpture. The body hung for a whole day in a garden building that had been re-opened for repairs before onlookers realized what it was and called the police, local media said. The building, in campus grounds crowded with different types of sculpture, had been closed five years ago pending reconstruction work. (Courtesy of Charles Stross.)
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November 17, 2003Unwholesome, yet strangely addicting1:35 PM, Monday, November 17, 2003So I broke down last week and ordered a copy of the A Shoggoth on the Roof cast album, and now I’ve got “If I Were A Deep One” stuck in my head.
If I were a Deep One I should have known better than to start, as Nanny Ogg would say, paddlin’ with the occult . . . Yaa Cthulhu! Cthulhu F’thagn!
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November 10, 2003Fear My Pink Line9:17 PM, Monday, November 10, 2003Someone at Electronic Gaming Monthly — probably someone about my age — had the bright idea of turning loose some of today’s twelve-year-olds on yesterday’s video games, with predictable results: TIM: My line is so beating the heck out of your stupid line. Fear my pink line. You have no chance. I am the undisputed lord of virtual tennis. [Misses ball.] Whoops. You’d think at thirty-one I’d be starting to get used to the generation gap. Kids today. I mean, I was never that good at Pong.
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November 5, 2003Hasta la vista, erratic affective baby!12:20 PM, Wednesday, November 5, 2003John & Belle, who have a blog called John & Belle Have A Blog, have found a fantastic example of why, despite postmodernism’s several useful ideas and techniques, I can’t be bothered to keep up with the state of the art. “What if . . . one should precisely throw out the baby with the bath water and renounce the very notion of erratic affective productivity, and so on as the libidinal support of revolutionary activity?“ I say: hasta la vista, erratic affective baby! Limp on, revolutionary activity! (Courtesy of Making Light.) Okay, let’s be honest: I just like saying erratic affective baby.
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October 23, 2003If I just bookmark this, I’ll never find it again10:58 AM, Thursday, October 23, 2003A fantastic collection of vintage newspaper advertisements, 1920s through 1960s, culled from the microfilm archives of the Minneapolis Star-Tribune.
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October 3, 2003How to make a proper cup of tea12:34 PM, Friday, October 3, 2003If you’re not sure, consult BS 6008:1980 (or its equivalent ISO standard, ISO 3103:1980; but I can’t find a bootleg copy of that one on line, so it’ll cost you forty Swiss francs). A sample of the useful information contained therein: The flavour and appearance of the liquor are affected by the hardness of the water used. The water used for the test should therefore be similar to the drinking water in the area where the tea is to be consumed. In exceptional cases, for example when comparative tests are requird to be made in different areas and it is not possible to procure similar waters or suitable ordinary water for this purpose, distilled water or deionized water may be used. It should be recognized, however, that the reslts will not then necessarily bear a true relation to the flavour of the liquor produced with ordinary drinking water, since the mineral salts in the latter may modify the flavour and appearance of the tea. I’m glad we got that cleared up.
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September 25, 2003A dangerous legal precedent5:55 PM, Thursday, September 25, 2003And one of which I think the TorCon committee should have warned attendees: Legally, at least within the jurisdiction of the Ontario Superior Court, extraterrestrials are not persons. [I]f the plaintiff is not a person in that he is neither a human being nor a corporation, he cannot be a plaintiff as contemplated by the Rules of Civil Procedure. The entire basis of Mr. Joly's actions is that he is a martian, not a human being. There is certainly no suggestion that he is a corporation. I conclude therefore, that Mr. Joly, on his pleading as drafted, has no status before the Court. —— Joly v. Pelletier, [1999] O.J. No. 1728 (Ontario Super. Ct., May 16, 1999)
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September 19, 2003Tools of the trade1:14 PM, Friday, September 19, 2003In honor of International Talk Like A Pirate Day, we have what is possibly the world’s only ergonomic keyboard for pirates.
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September 12, 2003Free beer10:10 AM, Friday, September 12, 2003Or other reasonably priced beverage of your choice, for the first person to come up with a compelling explanation of why someone would actually need one of these. (And no, the sensory deprivation torture scenario from Schismatrix does not qualify.)
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September 5, 2003I have no foley studio and I must scream3:04 PM, Friday, September 5, 2003Fascinating piece by WNYC on the “Wilhelm Scream,” the trademark “guy falling into a bottomless pit” scream that appears in everything from Star Wars and Raiders of the Lost Ark to 50s B-movies and a Judy Garland song. I’d never noticed it before, but I bet I start now.
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August 16, 2003We could do worse8:57 AM, Saturday, August 16, 2003Courtesy of Rob, finally a candidate for governor of California that we can all get behind, even if it’s only in order to keep him where we can see him.
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August 10, 2003Seattle attacked by mystery space monster7:54 AM, Sunday, August 10, 2003
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July 18, 2003Mysterious deaths, bear-baiting, etc.1:04 PM, Friday, July 18, 2003So on NPR this morning I hear two rather disturbing things, both of which get passed over very quickly. The first — the mysterious death of British government advisor and former UN weapons inspector David Kelly — has since been adequately reported, but the second has not been explained to my satisfaction: something along the lines of “Congress declined to ban bear-baiting on federal lands.” Bear-baiting. (Okay, I understand they don’t really mean bear-baiting. But still.) Update: For some weird reason, this particular post is a prime comment spam target, so I’ve turned comments off.
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June 29, 2003“Should there be any outcry?”6:04 PM, Sunday, June 29, 2003Two or three links away from the train wreck going on in Electrolite’s comments section, we find this amusing transcript from The O’Reilly Factor or whatever it’s called. A sample: O’REILLY: Would you be in favor of the government investigating this at all? Would you be in favor of that? HIGGINS: I’m in favor of the government investigating anything that it sees fit to investigate. I like government investigations for the most part.
O’REILLY: Right. Well, you are one of the few who does, but see I’m a little bit worried HIGGINS: You are a Whitewater fan. You liked that. It’s nice to see that there are still some people out there who can think on their feet instead of just reading from the teleprompter.
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June 27, 2003Autentica. Comida. San Bernardinista.2:41 PM, Friday, June 27, 2003Okay, so, like, my real question about this otherwise uninteresting article is: I guess I can kind of understand why the cold-blooded Scandinavians up here in Seattle do these crazy things . . . But why the hell would anyone in Los Angeles ever want to eat at a Taco Bell? (I mean, okay, I know Taco Bell was founded in SoCal. But still. My mole-deprived soul is in torment.)
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June 9, 2003Thin Blue Line10:10 AM, Monday, June 9, 2003Okay, I’m all for reclaiming and defusing offensive epithets — black power, grrl power, queer pride, all of it. But today when I went to get my morning coffee there was a sheriff’s deputy in the coffee shop wearing a navy-blue ball cap embroidered with the words: BAD PIG
(I wonder what the LEIU protestors would’ve had to say. Come to think of it, maybe that’s where he got the hat.)
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April 28, 2003Red Lectroids!3:00 PM, Monday, April 28, 2003Okay, maybe Lord Whorfin and John Bigbooté aren’t part of the picture. But, nonetheless, we’re up against a world-ending catastrophe, as Planet X will pass between the Earth and the Sun causing a pole shift in 2003. The pole shift will set off worldwide cataclysms — massive earthquakes, volcanic eruptions, and hurricane force winds. Planet X (now visible to the naked eye!) explains everything from SARS to global warming to giant squid: Planet X is affecting Earth in a number of different ways as it is approaching the solar system... extreme weather, earthquakes, volcanic activity, meteors, odd animal behaviour, unusual or rampant disease outbreaks, and other stories pertinent to earth changes. The site also has handy tips on supplies, food, and postapocalyptic gardening. If you haven’t already started preparing for the Aftertime, you’d better get to it — the Pole Shift is due any day now.
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April 24, 2003Extreme Animal Hoarding10:30 AM, Thursday, April 24, 2003We’ve all heard one too many stories about some recluse who, when their neighbors finally got the city to act on repeated complaints about noxious odors, turned out to be living in filth and squalor with 137 live cats, all of them in pitiable condition, plus the rotting or mummified or partly cannibalized or refrigerated carcasses of an indeterminate number of dead cats. [Pithy summary courtesy of Teresa Nielsen Hayden at Making Light] And that seems to be pretty much the case with this guy down in Riverside, too, too. Only in his case, it wasn’t Felis domestica. It was Felis tigris. Sometimes, I don’t even know why I bother to make stuff up.
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March 25, 2003“Fly, monkeys, fly!”1:17 PM, Tuesday, March 25, 2003Rob reports that, according to a Moroccan newspaper, Morocco has offered the US the use of 2000 mine-sweeping monkeys for service in Iraq. This must be what General Renuart was talking about on the radio this morning when he said forces from “all our coalition partners” were undertaking “special operations” in Iraq.
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February 25, 2003Kings of infinite space2:00 PM, Tuesday, February 25, 2003Rob “aphrael” West* has ported his journal from K5 over to discontent: Bound in a Nutshell. Good stuff, including the more personal stuff that he doesn’t think is suitable for K5. He’s using Blogger for the moment, so no comments, but I expect you’ll be able to find him here, if you need to. Rob knows more than I do about half of the things I'm interested in, and he’s a much more reasonable person. I recommend him. * In addition to his pithy comments here, some of you may remember Rob from that big round table in the Chinese restaurant at Conjosé.
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January 27, 2003Unfinished Tales4:57 PM, Monday, January 27, 2003Another gem from Reuben “Tom the Dancing Bug” Bolling: Did You Know? This Week: The Lord of the Rings. With the second installment of the “Lord of the Rings” movie trilogy, ring fever has taken over, causing fans the world over to wonder whether a series of ring fun facts could be written by someone who has never seen the movies nor read the books! I, for one, did not know that the character of Virginia Woolf was added to the film “only to increase its Oscar gravitas.” CorrectionThe link works now.
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January 21, 2003Be Warned10:20 PM, Tuesday, January 21, 2003I'm a sucker for Shepard Fairey's André the Giant gag in all of its manifestations. In general I'm not that impressed with the fark.com forums — if Photoshop and the Internet had been around when I was in high school I'd have been a whole lot better at that sort of thing, you betcha — but, sucker that I am, I'm pleased to be informed (via Ars Technica) that kim jong il has a posseI am, however, disappointed to realize that the site hosting that particular image is totaltapeservices.com and not, as I had first thought, totalapeservices. It does appear, by the way, that totalapeservices is still up for grabs.
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