© 2003-2006 David Moles
Chrononautic Log |
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May 2005
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June 30, 2005In the words of the petunia bowl10:56 AM, Thursday, June 30, 2005P.S. Extra points for the first person to correctly explain what’s wrong with the phrase “intrinsically interesting.” Update: And the prize goes to Dave Schwartz.
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“I used to look for inspiration...”8:14 AM, Thursday, June 30, 2005Not all of Hugh Macleod’s cartoons (or his pronunciamentos on the future of marketing) work for me, but this one hits close enough to home to be worth posting.
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June 28, 2005Endings11:35 AM, Tuesday, June 28, 2005Mr. Westerfeld makes an interesting observation: Yeah, well, the inspiration of a new story is exciting. But if you wind up not finishing ninety percent of what you start, guess what happens. After a few years you’ll have written 100 beginnings, 40 middles, and only 10 endings. Which means you’ll be great at writing beginnings, only so-so at middles, and you’ll suck at endings. Which means you will almost certainly keep faltering between the middle and the end of every story, which means you’ll keep giving up and not finishing . . . Rinse, repeat. This is a compelling argument. This would explain why my laptop has a Writing folder with over two hundred Word documents in it, some of them almost old enough to drive, not one of which is the completed manuscript of a novel. Also, I recently read somewhere someone (Update: Justine reminds me that it was Justine) quoting Ted as saying that he started writing his stories by writing the ending. Which, whether or not it’s true, is a good story. (And would go some way toward explaining “Story of Your Life”.) I’d like to drop everything and take Scott’s advice, but unfortunately I have bills to pay. So instead I give you the following newly-written endings to unfinished but not-yet-forgotten stories. Disorder under Heaven
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June 24, 2005It’s all fun and games till they bring in electronic scoring10:10 AM, Friday, June 24, 2005As long as the Almighty permits intelligent men, created in His image and likeness, to fight in public and kill each other while the world looks on approvingly, it is not for me to deprive the chicken of the same privilege. I’m sure I read Clifford Geertz’ “Deep Play: Notes on the Balinese Cockfight” at some point in college. But isn’t it about time we had a Balinese anthropologist come to Louisiana or Oklahoma or New Mexico for a little ‘writing back to the center?’ In fact, if it ever gets off the ground, how about a Balinese documentary on Gamecock Boxing?
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Who says winners don’t use drugs?9:23 AM, Friday, June 24, 2005Here’s what Ellis remembers about the trip from Los Angeles to San Diego: not a goddamn thing. Apparently he got to the airport, boarded one of the San Diego shuttles that left every half-hour, flew for 22 minutes and landed. The first thing he recalls is sitting in a taxi, telling the driver to “get to the fucking stadium. I got to play.” Next thing, he’s sitting in the locker room. 5 p.m. By that point, Ellis had enough experience with LSD to know that it wouldn't be wearing off anytime soon; as a, uh, “precautionary measure,” he took somewhere between four and eight amphetamines and drank some water. He walked to the railing at Jack Murphy Stadium where, each time he played in San Diego, a female acquaintance would bring him a handful of Benzedrine. White Crosses. He took a handful of those and went to the bullpen to warm up. — Keven McAlester, “Balls Out: How to throw a no-hitter on acid, and other lessons from the career of baseball legend Dock Ellis”, Dallas Observer
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June 22, 2005Glasgow schedule3:36 PM, Wednesday, June 22, 2005The straight dope: Thursday 9:20am: Arrive Heathrow airport
Thursday 12:55pm: Depart Kings Cross railway station
Thursday 6:42pm: Arrive Glasgow Central railway station
So, I know the con recommends taking a coach from Heathrow to Watford Junction and taking the train from there. I’m sure it’s faster, less of a pain in the ass, etc. But I couldn’t find a site that would actually book and sell me the ticket — Virgin Rail would book me direct from Terminal 3 to Anderston, but wouldn’t actually mail it to the States, while National Rail (the all-companies booking service) would intermittently refuse to even admit there was such a timetable. Whereas Rail Europe (which I ended up using) would admit to the existence of London and Glasgow, but not to anything more local. So: Heathrow to Paddington to Kings Cross to Edinburgh to Glasgow, at a cost of 90 minutes to my arrival time, and a certain amount of aggravation on both ends, but with service that actually works, and at a savings of $140 (on a first-class ticket) over Virgin and National Rail. Which ought to cover the Heathrow Express and a Zone 1 tube fare, at least. Friday 2:00pm: Kaffeeklatsch (1.5 hrs)
I’m guessing most of the folks who show up will be there to try to figure out what they need to do to sell something to Stan Schmidt. (Hey, maybe I should try to find that out, too. I haven’t even submitted anything to Analog in at least two or three years.) Saturday 12:00 noon: New Writers & the Campbell
What is the John W. Campbell Best New Writer Award and what has it meant to these finalists and winners? Learn where these writers started and where they've gone since. Jay, I love you, man, but if this turns into “How the Hugo Awards Ruined My Life” I’m gonna have to kick your ass. I’m just sayin’. Also Saturday 12:00 noon: Dealers’ room
I’m supposed to man a table in the dealers’ room for the Science Fiction Foundation, who have kindly agreed to let me pimp my books. Only at the moment I’m cross-scheduled against the Campbell panel. I’ll definitely be manning the table at some point, I’m just not sure when. Sunday 12:00 noon (tentatively): Hugo rehearsals
Presumably this is my chance to stand in front of a mirror practicing how to say “Fuck — I got a Sunday 6ish: Pre-Hugo reception
And this is my chance to try to make an impression on my fellow nominees as a nervous wreck, rather than as a drunk (see below). Sunday 8:00pm: Hugo ceremony
Nap time for the rest of you. Monday 12:00pm (?): Hugo losers’ party
Hangover city. Monday 12:00pm: Depart Glasgow Central railway station
Monday 5:42pm: Arrive London Kings Cross railway station
Monday 6:00pm: Drop bags off at Paddington station
Or maybe head straight out to Heathrow and my hotel, depending on whether anyone’s around in London for dinner. Monday 9:00pm: Check into Radisson Edwardian Heathrow
Last chance to enjoy jet lag. Tuesday 11:55am: Depart Heathrow airport
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What’s your sign?9:41 AM, Wednesday, June 22, 2005From the horoscope section of The Onion, 26 June 2056 (helpfully back-propagated into 2005): Zelazny (Sept 7—Oct. 13): Even if you do find their unique combination of style, universal competence, ennui, and raw ambition strangely exhilarating, you’d probably be a lot happier if you stopped keeping company with suicidal types, immortals, and suicidal immortal types. Sound advice. I’ll try to take it to heart.
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It’s all fun and games till somebody loses an eye8:10 AM, Wednesday, June 22, 2005Or until they start arguing about the rules.
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June 21, 2005Gay is the new British1:33 PM, Tuesday, June 21, 2005John Scalzi has a hilarious post calling the NYT to task for its, as he puts it, “mild heterosexual panic.” It doesn’t seem likely people would confuse me for being gay anymore, what with the wife and child and rural red-state lifestyle and the Wal-Mart clothes, but if they did, you know what I would think? Good. Here in the US, gay is the new British, which is to say that if people think you're gay, they also think you are smarter, wittier, and more fun to be around than the average guy. Sure, you sodomize other men on occasion, but that’s your business, and we Americans always suspected British men had sodomy as a required subject at Eton. So it’s all the same, really. And in the meantime you always say the perfect thing at the perfect moment. You’re more entertaining than cable! And what could possibly be wrong with that? If people know you're a straight guy, on the other hand, they automatically think you’re a beef-witted social dullard in a Linux shirt hoping to delude some poor woman into accepting a sperm packet or two. In a word: Eeeeeeew. I actually thought the gaydar article — yes, the filename actually is 19GAYDAR.html, and how much more fabulous than that can you get, really? — was amusing and, generally, positive. But John’s still right. Confuse away. (The “man date” article, on the other hand, was from another planet. Possibly the same planet — hi, Marie! — where a woman eating alone in a restaurant has to worry she’ll be mistaken for a prostitute.)
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June 19, 2005Editing Hunter10:49 AM, Sunday, June 19, 2005So, a flurry of “manuscript” pages would arrive, buzzing with brilliant, but often disconnected passages, interspersed with what Hunter would himself call “gibberish” (on certain days) and previously rejected material, just to see if we were awake. “Stand back,” the first line would inevitably say, announcing the arrival of twenty-three or twenty-five or forty pages to follow in the fax machine. Soon there were phone calls from Deborah Fuller or Shelby Sadler or Nicole Meyer or another of his stalwart assistants. We always spoke of “pages,” as in “How many pages will we get tonight?” “We need more pages than that.” “Can you get those pages marked up and back to Hunter?” Pages were the coin of the realm; moving pages was our mission. — Robert Love, Columbia Journalism Review
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June 18, 2005The purpose of power is power3:37 PM, Saturday, June 18, 2005And I’m abusing mine, to post something here where it’ll stand out rather than contributing to the conversation — where I’d feel compelled to closely read everything before I post, respond substantively to each substantive point, and type like hell in hopes of getting a word in edgewise before Ben posts another pithy two-page screed that forces me to rethink everything. Instead I will merely remark that:
Oh, and I’ll try and update the front-page betting records tomorrow, or Monday lunchtime at the latest. Ben, Alan, one of you go post something about the Author and the Work, or about public and private audiences, or whatever, and let’s go talk about that there. (Hell, repost your comments from the DC thread.) Remember, flippant is the new ironic.
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June 16, 2005It’d be safer not to post this till after Glasgow1:32 PM, Thursday, June 16, 2005. . . or at least till after the Hugo/Campbell deadline, but I just ran across it and, given the amount of pressure exerted in the SF world over the last few years to venerate Mr. Harrison, I was delighted to find no less a quasi-authority than Cheap Truth At The Age Of One expressing thoughts so similar to mine. The Floating Gods by M. John Harrison. Timescape, $2.50. This book is called In Viriconium in Britain, but was stupidly retitled for American release, presumably because Timescape believes we are boneheads. It’s the third book in a sword-and-sorcery trilogy that includes The Pastel City and A Storm of Wings. It’s clear that a different but allied form of decadence [different from, and allied to, that of Jack Vance’s Lyonesse] has struck Across the Water. Its trademark is not perversion, but exhaustion. The Pastel City rejoiced in such sprightly characters as Tomb, “the nastiest dwarf that ever hacked the hands off a priest,” whose rotten malevolence was a welcome relief from Harrison’s sometimes stifling meditations on spiritual decline. The Floating Gods has no such characters. It is set in a city smothered under a nebulous Plague Zone. Possibly Harrison has spent too much time in Brixton. Despair seems to have been printed across his eyeballs in letters of fire. The Floating Gods is a relentless exercise in total, stifling futility; it is one long, gray, debilitating dream. Harrison’s extraordinary talent merely crams the reader’s head more firmly into the bucket. It is impossible to read this book without considering suicide. It is painful to read; painful even to think about. Let’s hope to God something happens soon to cheer him up. No sign of that, alas. Though I’ve heard Mr. Harrison claim that people who find his work depressing just don’t get the joke. God, I ♥ the email. Only in this day and age could one generation’s pseudo-zinester criticism manqué find the bar to finding and citing the previous generation’s rants so profoundly lowered. In fact, someone should start a Cheap Truth blog, in persona as “Vincent Omniveritas”, in the manner of Pepys and Caesar. Crush and burn the artificial categories of “past” and “future”!
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Mr. Duncan continues to kick arse10:11 AM, Thursday, June 16, 2005And further convince me that we’ve tapped into something that’s not only seriously funny but hilariously serious: It seems almost banal for me to say — as if it’s news to anyone — that there’s something of a tendency for put-upon geeks to revel in revenge fantasies of intricate detail, imagining sublime immolations and sledgehammers upon skulls . . . But that’s not infernokrusher, to my mind; infernokrusher doesn’t give a shit about such petty rationales as revenge. Infernokrusher takes that little posturing puerile ego in its black trenchcoat out behind the bike sheds, gives him a cigarette and says, settle down, pumpkin. It’s no fun blowing stuff up if you do it out of anger. No. Infernokrusher finds that sorta psychological self-abusing and self-excusing wish-fulfillment wank just . . . well, dull. — Hal Duncan, “Why Do I Infernokrush?” (H)al, I think you’ve just posted either the introduction to, or the lead-off essay for, the first issue of Burn Ward: Dispatches from the Infernokrusher Frontier.
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June 15, 2005Fist of WisCon (updated)10:31 AM, Wednesday, June 15, 2005. . . is what I would think we should call ourselves if we were a performance troupe and not just some folks who like to dress up and hit things. But, anyway, as long as we’re just some folks, ever since Lisa showed me a few tricks at last year’s WFC, I’ve been feeling envious of these friends of mine who are learning how to kill people with their bare hands and not just with a thirty-inch razor blade. And ever since Wiscon I’ve been feeling unusually motivated about all sorts of stuff (though not the damn planetary romance, which is why I was whining about time travel yesterday afternoon — I was working on the gonzo space opera when I shouldn’t have been). So yesterday I finally got around to checking out Shorinji Kempo Seattle, and next week I’ll be starting lessons. Further bulletins as events warrant. But in the mean time, thanks to Greg and Jenn for agreeing to kick my ass if I didn’t do this. Update (15 June ’05): So, I went last night and it was a blast. The people were friendly and patient. The warm-up exercises were challenging without being brutal. The footwork and the actual punching and kicking and stuff were confusing at first, but by the end of practice I think I was starting to get the hang of it. (And an eleven-year-old girl told me I was doing pretty well for a beginner, so it must be true.) I could easily have gone on for another hour. The hardest thing for me, personally, is probably going to be learning to sit crosslegged without falling over.
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June 14, 2005Alien Space Bats4:48 PM, Tuesday, June 14, 2005Okay, this weekend I’m writing an irrational history featuring Alien Space Bats. Poor writing is often criticized for its lack of plausibility. These attacks are usually phrased in terms of the need for “Alien Space Bats” or ASBs as the motive force behind the change. For example, “Well, Alien Space Bats could land the German army in Wales.” The use of the term Alien Space Bats has been expanded to include handwaving difficulties in order to get to an interesting discussion. (Wikipedia, soc.history.what-if.)
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June 13, 2005Abbreviation4:17 PM, Monday, June 13, 2005I’m not going to bore you with the details of the output from the Amazing Meganame Generator, but I will say that “The Twitchy Aleph” is an all-right band name, in an art-school, collar-and-slacks, nostalgic-for-CBGBs kind of way.
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June 10, 2005I know exactly how you feel9:15 AM, Friday, June 10, 2005Jamie Zawinski, old-school hacker, nightclub owner, author or co-author of XEmacs and xscreensaver and various versions of Netscape, has finally punted on Linux in favor of MacOS: Remember last week, when I tried to buy exactly the same audio card that 99.99% of the world owns and convince Linux to be able to play two sounds at once? Yeah, turns out, that was the last straw. I bought an iMac, and now I play my music with iTunes. This took . . . let me see . . . just about zero effort. Well, I still have to go buy some longer audio cables, but that's it. I plugged a mouse with three buttons and a wheel into the Mac, and it just worked without me having to read the man page on xorg.conf or anything. Oh frabjous day. Go ahead and say “I told you so” if it makes you feel better. . . . Dear Slashdot: please don't post about this. Screw you guys.
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June 7, 2005A renewed appreciation for...4:38 PM, Tuesday, June 7, 2005
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June 6, 2005The new look (updated)10:27 AM, Monday, June 6, 2005I was hoping these would be ready in time for WisCon so everyone could meet the new, measurably less unhip Me, but no such luck.
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June 5, 2005Have I told you yet how much Meghan McCarron rocks?8:31 AM, Sunday, June 5, 2005
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June 4, 200588 Days Later12:57 PM, Saturday, June 4, 2005“AD 1937” is up over at Irrational Histories. If anyone wants to fund an epic 60-episode retro-space-adventure TV series using this as the back story, call me!
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Puzzling evidence (updated)11:28 AM, Saturday, June 4, 2005Update: Added Alan and Susan. So, at some point the Flickr police may decide that I am actually a photographer and not, say, a plagiarist or a graphic designer or an illustrator or a pornographer, but in the interests of instant gratification (mine, that is):
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Notes toward an Infernokrusher manifesto (updated)10:52 AM, Saturday, June 4, 2005Due to a packing error, it looks as though I’ll be carrying my laptop back to Seattle in its natural state; so it occurs to me that I ought to get this into the Google caches and the Wayback Machine before I go, for posterity. Update: Added slogan, courtesy of Mike Ford. Notes toward an Infernokrusher manifestoSlipstream, ultimately, is just a wussy term. We should be drawing names less from wishy-washy words (slip, stream) and more from monster trucks (krusher, inferno). Literary excellence through superior horsepower. Catch phrases
Redefinitions, subgenres, philosophemes
Pieces, presses, publications, organizations
Deviations and faux-infernokrusher tropes:
The infernokrusher coat of arms
The first Infernokrusher poem
I blew up the plums
— Dora Goss [wiscon]
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June 3, 2005This might actually be true1:19 PM, Friday, June 3, 2005
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Hal Duncan is a God-damned genius11:11 AM, Friday, June 3, 2005It was only a matter of time before someone rammed Infernokrusher into the Mundane SF movement, but Hal Duncan has done it with exceptional style and grace: The Mundanes say: That interstellar travel remains unlikely. Warp drives, worm holes, and other forms of faster-than-light magic are wish fulfillment fantasies rather than serious speculation about a possible future. We of the Infernokrusher Movement say: We laugh maniacally in the face of serious speculation. We will have warp drives . . . on our MONSTER TRUCKS! We will have worm holes . . . and bullet holes, and drill holes, and holes punched through the very fabric of the spacetime continuum by the giant fist of MECHAGODZILLA! These are not wish fulfillment fantasies. These are metaphors for the destruction that is an integral part of every possible future. And more importantly, they’re fun. This Is What We’re Saying.™ Because Infernokrusher is all about the fun.
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À bas l’idée de la Tour!9:10 AM, Friday, June 3, 2005Whatever it is, this Tower is an easy target for a riled drunk, but not an actual problem in modern American literary fiction any more than it’s an actual entity. — Christian Bauman (Via Gwenda)
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June 2, 2005Free book!10:30 AM, Thursday, June 2, 2005Karen Meisner is the winner! (I’ll put it in the mail this weekend, Karen.)
* I can really only read one copy at a time. And now I have a signed one.
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A frank exchange of views (updated)9:40 AM, Thursday, June 2, 2005The critics’ word on “Amazon Women” is starting to come in.
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June 1, 2005This is pathological1:54 PM, Wednesday, June 1, 2005At some point my co-workers are going to notice that I’ve been back at work for five hours and all I’ve done is surf the blogosphere trying to prolong my WisCon experience.
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Dispatches from the Frankish-Athapascan Moiety12:38 PM, Wednesday, June 1, 2005The inimitable Mr. D.S. provides the quintessential and definitive chronicle of this year’s PlausFab-Wisconsin. [wiscon]
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