I’m late in jumping on the “Maureen Dowd is being a twit” bandwagon, but this piss-take from Samantha Bonar of the LA Times (via BoingBoing) did make me laugh:

Researchers have apparently found that men prefer long-term relationships with subordinates rather than co-workers or supervisors. Women, however, showed no significant preference for socially dominant men, or for socially inferior men. They appear to hanker for their peers — while, sadly, their peers are at Applebee’s hitting on the women who bring them their burgers and pies. . . .

In addition, British researchers have recently “discovered” that the higher a woman’s IQ, the fewer prospects she has for marriage. (Jane Austen could have told them that.) To be a droll, dry, wry, sarcastic or clever woman is deadly, apparently. (Yes, you may point out the example of Mr. Darcy, who loved Elizabeth Bennet’s witty repartee, but I still say he’s secretly gay.)

In other words, you can be tall, blond, thin and a former runway model, but that all counts for naught if you are smart and successful and, thus, annoying. . . .

I have therefore decided to modify my romantic résumé . . . I also have decided to limit my vocabulary to 10 monosyllabic words (not counting contractions and articles) . . . But for the most part, I plan to not speak. I will alternate between giggling and tittering. I will be vacuous as I vacuum.

The payoff will be a man who loves and wants me. Whoever “me” is. I’m sure he can fill me in on that. Hee hee.

Hey, women readers! (The ones, anyway, that aren’t otherwise attached — or just not into guys — and that may be having doubts about Ms. Bonar’s strategy.) After considerable research of my own, I’ve concluded that brilliant, opinionated, successful women (especially the ones with large vocabularies) are fuckin’ hot. Also that real women are much hotter than airbrushed blonde gynoids with implants and eating disorders. Call me!*

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* Advertised product is not a tall, dark, handsome “bad boy.” Advertised product may be from your side of the tracks. Side effects may include discussions of genre fiction, social history, astrophysics, cognitive science, and postmodernism, as well as reading books, getting up early in the morning, eating dinners at restaurants with tablecloths, spending quiet evenings at home, playing video games, and watching John Sayles and Ang Lee movies “for the fight scenes.” Some customers may also experience a statistically significant decrease in “dancing the night away.” Void where prohibited by law.