. . .But I’ll do my best. Received over the weekend by the All-Star Zeppelin Adventure Stories inbox:

From: Bookman Publishing <sendmail3@certifiedit.com>
To: zeppelin@allstarstories.com
Subject: Sell your book in our bookstore, even if you published with another company!
Reply-To: brien@bookmanmarketing.com
Date: 21 May 2004 23:06:22 -0500

Bookman Publishing is already the only company in the industry contacting bookstore owners for our authors.

What industry would that be? The vanity publishing industry? Hey, I suppose they might even be telling the truth.

Now, to learn even more about the retail book industry we have just purchased our first bookstore.

So they went into “publishing” without knowing anything about how to sell books. Still, at least they’re honest about it.

This is not a website, it’s a real store made out of bricks and glass. The Bookman Store is on the square in Franklin Indiana and will be open in June. All of our author’s books will be sold there automatically.

MapQuest gives me two candidates for “Franklin, Indiana.” I think I might have driven through the one between Bloomington and Indianapolis. Nice enough area, I guess, but, somehow I don’t think my book is exactly going to be hopping off the shelves.

(Plus, ten yards and a loss of down for apostrophe misuse. Or do they only have one author?)

For the very first time ever, we can now guarantee that your book will be sold in a real store. As always, we will sell your book even if another company published it.

“For the first time ever . . . As always . . .” Er — what am I missing here?

You still have time to take advantage of our 50% discount on selected bookselling services, or publish your book at our introductory price. (Both offers expire May 28)

Gosh. Unfortunately, their web site doesn’t tell me what that introductory price is, or what those services have been discounted from. Sadly, though, it provides no hard numbers. In fact, it doesn’t even mention this offer, though it does mention their March Publishing Promotion: 30% Off All Book-selling Services!

Still — if only ASZAS was finished! If only I didn’t already have a gentleman’s agreement with a reputable small press! Alas, Fortune is bald behind . . . But perhaps one of my readers can still grasp her by the forelock.

Just reply or call:

Brien Jones
Bookman Publishing
35 Industrial Drive, Suite 104
Martinsville, IN 46151
Author Consultant
(800) 342-6068 Phone
(765) 342-7217 Fax
brien@bookmanmarketing.com
www.bookmanmarketing.com