This abbrieviated script captures what’s wrong with the film almost as well as Will Shetterly did, and it’s funnier.

GLORIA FOSTER

Hello Keanu. My dialogue this time around isn’t anywhere near as well written as the last time we talked, so let me get to the chase. I’m a program, all of your decisions have already been made, Trinity is going to die, and you need to find Randall Duk Kim. Gotta run!

KEANU REEVES

Got it. Hey, have you seen that spoon-bending kid from before? There haven’t been any cool quotable phrases in this movie and I think he could help.

GLORIA shakes her head and leaves.

HUGO WEAVING

Mr. Anderson.

KEANU REEVES

That’s good, but it really came from the first movie. Got anything else?

There’s plenty more where that came from.